Epiphany 6 (A)
Matthew 5:27-32
Sermon
Today we continue with part 2 of our series “There’s an App for That,” a series where we are looking at Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount for some of the ways that God’s crazy love applies to our everyday lives. And today we are going to be talking marriage.
A man walks into his pastor’s office for some counseling. His marriage is on the rocks and has been for some time. When he admits that he wants to throw in the towel, his pastor said to him, “You promised you’d take her for better or for worse.” The man said, “Yeah, but she’s a lot worse than I took her for.”
Today we are going to talk about the three stages of every marriage. The first stage is “The Happy Honeymoon.” The second is “The Party’s Over.” And third . . . “Let’s Make a Deal.” What often begins as an ideal, turns into an ordeal, where people start looking for a new deal.
As anyone who has been in a relationship can tell you, the beginning of a new relationship, the Happy Honeymoon, we call it, is full of euphoria. It is a time when everything about the other person fascinates you and intrigues you. Each detail of his or her presence is a source of fascination and delight. The inflection in the voice, the warmth of a glance, the smell of her skin . . . can mesmerize you. You get a clear sense of this intense pleasure when you read the Song of Songs in the Old Testament. Today’s first lesson was read from chapter four of that book (The Message Translation).
1-5 You're so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled
by your hair as it flows and shimmers,
like a flock of goats in the distance
streaming down a hillside in the sunshine.
Your smile is generous and full—
expressive and strong and clean.
Your lips are jewel red,
your mouth elegant and inviting,
your veiled cheeks soft and radiant.
The smooth, lithe lines of your neck
command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration!
Your breasts are like fawns,
twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.
6-7 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,
the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay
until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
In this stage everything is perfect and pleasant and intoxicating. In many cases it leads to marriage, which is one of the most intense moments of the Happy Honeymoon. All the preparation . . . all the energy . . . that goes into it.
You probably wouldn’t be surprised to hear that we host a lot of weddings here at Risen Lord. It’s a pretty church and people driving by see that and want to get married here. So we throw open the doors. Oftentimes two years in advance. What is funny is that when we first meet with the couple, the bride will show up with a notebook, a three ring binder full of details and lists for the wedding. Ideas and hopes and dreams she has been keeping since was a little girl. Ideas and hopes she has picked up at countless other weddings she has been to or been a part of. And the dude? He usually just sits there, trying not to draw too much attention to himself by being pleasant and compliant.
Then the day comes, a day that has been thought out, planned out, and scripted for months. Every color has to be just right. The invitations and programs all coordinate. The flowers, the sights and the sounds are all in place. So much hairspray has been applied to the bride that a hurricane could blow throw and not a single hair would so much as twitch.
As the groom turns back to see her, the hearts of even the most macho and rugged groom skips a beat at the sight. And as she walks in, though there are a hundred or more people around her, only one captures her attention, much like the woman in the Song of Songs says in chapter 5, today’s second reading:
10-16 My dear lover glows with health—
red-blooded, radiant!
He's one in a million.
There's no one quite like him!
My golden one, pure and untarnished,
with raven black curls tumbling across his shoulders.
His eyes are like doves, soft and bright,
but deep-set, brimming with meaning, like wells of water.
His face is rugged, his beard smells like sage,
His voice, his words, warm and reassuring.
Fine muscles ripple beneath his skin,
quiet and beautiful.
His torso is the work of a sculptor,
hard and smooth as ivory.
He stands tall, like a cedar,
strong and deep-rooted,
A rugged mountain of a man,
aromatic with wood and stone.
His words are kisses, his kisses words.
Everything about him delights me, thrills me
through and through!
That's my lover, that's my man,
dear Jerusalem sisters.
The amazing thing about this stage is that you do things that you wouldn’t normally do. Guys do stuff like watch chick flicks, hand her the remote control, splash on some Agua Velva, and make sure they have on clean socks and underwear. Women, for their part, shave their legs and pits, apply a little extra effort in the makeup department, and lay on the sofa watching some boring ball game.
The Party’s Over
But as always happens the Happy Honeymoon gives way to the next stage: The Party’s Over. One day the couple wakes up and there is a stack of dirty dishes in the sink, a carton of milk spoiling on the counter, laundry piling up in the corner, garbage to be taken out, and a stack of bills to pay. Instead of waking up to the handsome well-groomed Greek god that smelled like a fresh morning meadow, she wakes up to indecent scratching, burps, morning mouth, and other noxious gases. The husband wakes up to her day old makeup, slobbering on the pillow, ten year old sweats for a night gown, and sandpaper legs. And they start asking themselves “what happened? What went wrong?” They wonder “Did I make a mistake here.” And usually sometime after that some couples will come to my office and say to me “We just don’t connect anymore. We have nothing to talk about. We are just roommates passing in the kitchen.” Sometimes one will say, “I’m throwing in the towel.”
In today’s reading from Matthew 5, Jesus says it point blank: “Let's not pretend this is easier than it really is.” (The Message)
It is not easy. That’s when we move to the next stage.
Let’s Make a Deal
It’s in this stage that we begin to realize what a sacred place marriage can be. It’s in this stage that we begin to see how God’s crazy love transforms our most important relationships. Because we see that when the Bible talks about God’s love for us, it talks about the kind of love that exists between a husband and a wife. Jesus' first miracle was at a wedding and heaven itself is presented as a great wedding banquet. Jesus is the bridegroom. And as happens in most relationships the Happy Honeymoon gives way to the Party’s Over for our spiritual lives. There comes a point in the heart of every believer where we just go through the motions, where we just pass him by in the hallways – not much connection. And we act in ways that show we aren’t all that into it. We say things we shouldn’t say. We look at things we shouldn’t look at. We think and feel things we shouldn’t. And at times we just check out of our life with God.
And yet, God stays true and faithful. Regardless of what we say, or do, or where we go, God refuses to let us go. There is nothing we can do that will make God love us less. There is nothing we can do to make God love us more. This is the deal God makes with us in Jesus Christ. Nothing will separate us from him. As we move to the New Deal in our marriages, something very sweet and wonderful and sacred happens. The kind of love God extends to us in Jesus Christ becomes the new basis for our marriages.
If the truth be known, I am not a perfect husband to my wife. I have let her down. I’ve said some things I shouldn’t have said. Thought some things I shouldn’t have thought. Felt some things I shouldn’t have felt. She has seen me lose it in many ways over the past 19, or 20, or 21 years. I can never remember which. Actually, neither can she. Last year we both forgot our anniversary until about a week after the fact. I gave her a card, signed of course. When she opened it, she signed it and gave back to me. You think I’m kidding? She has seen me lose my temper. She has seen me lose my composure. She has seen me lose my religion. She’s even seen me lose my hair and my Greek god-like physique. And yet in spite of all that she knows about me, in spite of all the things that I am not, she embraces me and kisses me as her own. She is still thrilled to wake up next to me in the morning and be my wife. Being with her tells me something about God.
And she, my friends, is not a perfect wife. She has said some things, thought some things, felt some things that she ought not. I have also seen, her lose her temper, her composure, and her religion. I have seen her dark side as well. But in spite of all the things that she is not, I embrace her and kiss her with a love that is more than love. I am still thrilled to wake up to her each and every morning and to stand by her side. It is an honor and a privilege to be her husband.
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. There will be cards exchanged. Candies eaten. And flowers delivered. Take the grace God gives you in Christ to throw open your arms with reckless abandon to the one you call beloved. Amen.
This song below is one of "our songs" and kept running through mind mind as I worked on this sermon. Thank you, Karin.
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